Relations with the Church
When I lost my temper for the second time in my life, I was dealing with my very strict, very unique church. It all started with a moral dilemma I was experiencing. My brother had just lost his membership in the church because he had joined the army, something that our pacifism forbade. I was having a hard time supporting the Church’s judgement because I love my brother, and because the logic behind the tenant was not clear. It is based of the commandment “thou shalt not kill.” War implies killing. Therefore war is against the Ten Commandments. However, King David, one of the most revered Biblical figures, went to war many times, and is not considered a sinner because of that. Something seemed inconsistent.
These were my honest thoughts, but I did not want to rebel from the Church. It was possible that I was wrong. I wrote an e-mail to the Elder, Phil, asking him to present a counter-argument so that my faith in the church would remain intact. That never happened. The response I received completely ignored my question, and instead included veiled hints that I was starting down a path of sin. Phil told me that it was possible to question any aspect of the church, but that they were still “basic Biblical truths of scripture.” As examples, he listed tenants of this unique church that have the least Biblical support: literally kneeling in prayer, never wearing any jewelry, and never dating.
That response got me hopping mad. I could barely think straight. Not only did he ignore my question, not only did he generically accuse me of sin without a real basis, he was saying completely untrue things as if they were straight from the mouth of God. My church’s custom of marriage without a dating period has almost no biblical support! I paced. I screamed. Finally, I wrote a furious e-mail, pointing out his blatantly wrong logic and ranting on, using as many biting Biblical references as I could, using no self-restraint to avoid offence. Later, I had to apologize for my disrespect to the highest position in the church, but I do not regret my outburst.
Since then, I have never been able to trust the pulpit as I once did. I do not hate it. I simply do not trust it. I know that the church is not God. For four years, I silently disobeyed any rules which I did not believe until, early in my senior year, I finally made the decision to withdraw my membership. After a summer of participation in social events meant to replace the dating system, after four years of listening to the sermons in church, refusing to let my blood boil, I revealed my beliefs to my parents. Now I know that, even under incompetent, uncompromising authority that nobody has the courage to challenge openly, my decisions and my beliefs are my own, and I will not be frightened into changing them.
These were my honest thoughts, but I did not want to rebel from the Church. It was possible that I was wrong. I wrote an e-mail to the Elder, Phil, asking him to present a counter-argument so that my faith in the church would remain intact. That never happened. The response I received completely ignored my question, and instead included veiled hints that I was starting down a path of sin. Phil told me that it was possible to question any aspect of the church, but that they were still “basic Biblical truths of scripture.” As examples, he listed tenants of this unique church that have the least Biblical support: literally kneeling in prayer, never wearing any jewelry, and never dating.
That response got me hopping mad. I could barely think straight. Not only did he ignore my question, not only did he generically accuse me of sin without a real basis, he was saying completely untrue things as if they were straight from the mouth of God. My church’s custom of marriage without a dating period has almost no biblical support! I paced. I screamed. Finally, I wrote a furious e-mail, pointing out his blatantly wrong logic and ranting on, using as many biting Biblical references as I could, using no self-restraint to avoid offence. Later, I had to apologize for my disrespect to the highest position in the church, but I do not regret my outburst.
Since then, I have never been able to trust the pulpit as I once did. I do not hate it. I simply do not trust it. I know that the church is not God. For four years, I silently disobeyed any rules which I did not believe until, early in my senior year, I finally made the decision to withdraw my membership. After a summer of participation in social events meant to replace the dating system, after four years of listening to the sermons in church, refusing to let my blood boil, I revealed my beliefs to my parents. Now I know that, even under incompetent, uncompromising authority that nobody has the courage to challenge openly, my decisions and my beliefs are my own, and I will not be frightened into changing them.
Labels: Church, College Essay
posted by Julie Delphiki at 7:04 PM
2 Comments:
Hi Julie,
I was searching around some blogs, and found yours. What you are saying here interests me because I'm a former member of the ACCN which is known as the 'sister church', they split in the early 1900's). There are some minor differences between the two denominations, but I've been hrough the same time of things things: struggling with the churches doctrinal positions, practices, etc. The lack of trust and confidence in the pulpit is a particularly grieving and problematic thing.
I love the ACC and the people inside it a great deal. But there are some very serious problems, primarily in the understanding of salvation, but also secondarily in leadership style/traditions/etc.
The ACC's position to pacifism has to be understood in the context of their roots in early Anabaptist theology. However, that doesn't make it right or consistent. Interestingly enough, Samuel Froehlich, the very founder of the denomination, is considered unorthodox in regard to his position related to pacifism. In one of his letters, he states that he changed his mind from his earlier position and earnestly defends a brother who is about to be excommunicated for war service. I can get you a copy of the letter if you are interested.
To follow Froehlich's argument, if war service is a sin, then why isn't there not a single command in the Bible against it? And why, in every case of killing recorded in the Bible, is only cold-blooded murder show to be abhorent to God? Why did Jesus never give a clear teaching forbidding war when he had so many opportunities to? especially since he had followers who were soliders) And to further add to the matter, why would God most institute wars and the death penalty immediately after the ten commandmants were delivered if he intended "Thou Shalt Not Kill" to forbid all killing?
It is the consistent experience of most people who leave the ACC that they just didn't get any straight answers from leadership. While sometimes powerful and bold in making pronouncements from the pulpit or elders meetings, getting straight answers to questions or firm commitments to something in person becomes a whole different matter altogether. Questions are too often perceived as a sign of the "spirit of rebellion".
Withdrawing membership is a tough and sad decision to be made, but if it is for the sake of non-negotiatable truths, it is worth it. For me it was over the issue of salvation by grace alone and also secondarily about the fact that I felt the Bible did not have adequete authority in the church's policies and practices. I've been out of the ACC for half a year now and attending a Baptist church. I can't pretend it was an effortless step to take, but God is good!
Are you attending another church now?
Yes, I started going to a local Babtist church, mainly to appease my parents. (Originally, I was trying to avoid christianity in general) However, I have found that it is much better than the ACC in its views on traditions. I can attend services without needing to supress the urge to stand up and argue. This is not to day that I agree with everything, but I can find things that I agree with and feel no guilt if I do disagree with something. Anyway, yes. I have been going there for about a month now.
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